Fragrantly Beautiful

Do-it-yourself health and beauty

What's in your kitchen cabinet or desk drawer can put the spa treatment to shame.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

By TONY NAUROTH AND MARCIA WHITEThe Express-Times

Pardon us while we retire to the rest and relaxation suite of The Express-Times where we'll exfoliate with yogurt, shave our legs with peanut butter and give ourselves a cat litter mud pack.

Don't laugh; these are all remedies and solutions tested by author Joey Green in his book "Supermarket Spa."

Well, maybe you can laugh a little.

We certainly did.

In the blurb on the back of the book, Joey Green is praised as "the guru of weird uses for brand-name products." He's the author of more than 30 books including "Joey Green's Gardening Magic," "Joey Green's Incredible Country Store," "Joey Green's Amazing Kitchen Cures" and "Joey Green's Magic Brands."

We believe what he's really selling is Joey Green.

Still, it's a fun little book; 150 pages of stuff you can buy at the grocery store for peanuts that will do the same work as the Hollywood-priced signature beauty products nobody except those in Hollywood can afford.

We tried to check with local cosmetology experts to see how they might feel about cat litter mud packs, butter massages, and the many strange and distressing uses for vodka -- besides its primary purpose of massaging our INSIDES. Unfortunately, those we contacted either referred us to some corporate spokesperson in a distant city or diverted us anywhere except toward them.

But at Frey's Better Foods in Hellertown, Bruce and Diane Haas were very helpful.

Besides shelves of vitamins and other natural products, Frey's offers all kinds of health-related books, such as "A Consumer's Dictionary of Cosmetic Ingredients" by Dr. Ruth Winter, with "complete information about more than 6,000 of the harmful and desirable ingredients found in toiletries and cosmetics."

Then there's "The Cure is in the Cupboard" by Dr. Cass Ingram -- part of a series. This one explains "How to Use Oregano for Better Health."

Frey's sports a whole line of "Kiss My Face" lotions packaged in pastel pump bottles featuring lavender, olive, shea butter and other natural ingredients.

Diane Haas says many customers come in with lists of ingredients their doctors tell them to steer clear of.

"One of the big ones is parabens," Diane Haas says.

In it ethyl paraben is described as a chemical "used to extend the shelf life of products, but which might be linked to chronic fatigue syndrome and other immune suppressing disorders.
Then there's imidazolidinyl urea.

"I look at it this way," says Bruce Haas, "If I don't know what it means or how to pronounce it, it can't be good."

And that's about the way Joey Green thinks in "Supermarket Spa," although his interest is aimed more toward saving money. Preserving health just happens to be a positive side effect.

Please note that Green recommends specific name brands for his health aids. We won't do that, other than to mention Crayola Crayons because they're so naturally attached to our local communities. And who hasn't felt relaxed after inhaling the sweet childhood scent of a freshly opened box of Crayolas?

Heck, you can even sniff the crayons even as you spritz your doo with the aromatic hair-holding power of flat beer.

Read on. Smell good. And feel good, too.

Cheap!
aromatherapy
Crayola Crayons
"Keep a box of Crayola Crayons on hand and whenever you feel down-and-out, anxious, or tense, simply open the box and smell the crayons. The scent of Crayola Crayons is among the twenty most recognizable to American adults, and the nostalgic aroma instantly triggers a calming sense of peace and security, reminiscent of all the joys of childhood."

It just so happens those crayons are made right here by Binney & Smith Inc. in Forks Township. Twenty-seven-year employee Susan Tucker, public relations specialist for the company, naturally agrees crayons have aromatic benefits. She says every time she takes someone on a plant tour, "as soon as you open the door of the plant, people say, 'Oh, that smell!' "

And, just about everyone at the company has a box of crayons stashed in his or her desk to take out and sniff for a pick-me-up, Tucker admits.

BATH SECRETS
Coffee grounds
Get into an empty bathtub and rub warm, freshly used coffee grounds all over your body, from the neck down. Wait 10 minutes, fill the tub with warm water and soak in this invigorating coffee bath.

CLEANING and TONING
Blueberry yogurt
Mix the yogurt well and apply to your face. Wait 10 minutes then wash clean with warm water. The lactic acid in the yogurt and blueberries helps exfoliate dead skin cells, leaving skin smooth and soft.

conditioner
Mayonnaise
Massage mayo into dry hair, let sit for 30 minutes, then rinse several times before shampooing thoroughly. The oil and eggs in mayonnaise revitalize dry hair and give it a great shine.

FOR EYES
Banana baby food
To reduce circles under your eyes, spread the contents of one (six-ounce) jar of banana baby food over your clean, dry face. Wait 10 minutes. Rinse with cool water. The bananas leave your skin soft and the potassium helps eliminate under-eye circles.

FACIALS
Kitty litter
Mix two handfuls unused, regular, clay cat litter with enough water to make a thick, muddy paste. Smear the mud over your face to create a deep-cleansing mud mask. Let set for 20 minutes. Rinse with water. The clay from the litter detoxifies your skin by absorbing dirt and excess oil from the pores.

FEET
Meat tenderizer
Add enough water to unseasoned meat tenderizer to make a paste. Rub the mixture onto your feet to relax them. The enzymes in meat tenderizer numb the skin.

TEETH
Food coloring
To spot plaque on your teeth, put 10 drops red food coloring in a glass, add one teaspoon water and swirl well. Put solution into your mouth, swish it around well, then spit out. Fill the glass with clean water and rinse your mouth well. The remaining red stains on your teeth are plaque. Brush these areas well.

Pedicures
Marshmallows
If you don't have toenail separators, place a marshmallow between each toe before painting your toenails with polish.

MOUSSE
Shaving cream
A small dab of shaving cream combed through your hair will keep it in place. If you use a blow dryer after putting shaving cream in your hair, you can make your hair stand up on end.

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posted by Cheryl Levesque @ 12:18 PM